What is the Goal?
The utilitarian function of Jiu Jitsu is preservation of self. The self defense application of Jiu Jitsu just means you didn’t get beat up. That’s it. That’s the whole goal - stay safe & don’t get beat up. Survival.
The other end of that spectrum is thriving. The utilitarian function of competition is to win - dominantly. Getting the finish is how that is demonstrated in Jiu Jitsu.
Sometimes the only way to survive IS to thrive. It catches our attention anyway, and we tend to move towards what we focus on.
In Jiu Jitsu matches you often hear Brazilians yelling “PORRA! PORRA!” right before either a big finish or a difficult and pivotal transition. The polite translation would be: give everything you have right now. Maximum effort, all of your being, NOW.
Don’t be afriad to try hard to thrive. There is nothing wrong with it. Just understand what you are trying to do and why. Save energy and focus for where you specifically choose to thrive. Focused effort - not blind rage.
The danger isn’t setting your goal too high and not reaching it. It’s consistently setting the goal too low and hitting it. Training yourself to never give all of your being.
Training at a deliberately metered pace and response, calmness, is a skill. It should be trained - most of the time. Giving all of your being is a skill. It should be trained. Knowing how to scale to it and deliberately execute is what Martial Arts is about.
Jiu Jitsu is a physical contest for control. That is what makes it Martial. Deliberate control is what makes it an Art. When you practice it that is you developing your personal Martial Art.
Come train! Work on your Art.